Gym Class Horrors
by Dolores-the-Dip
Summary: The PEANUTS Gang deals with the horrors and failures caused by a dreaded class called gym (except for Peppermint Patty). Whether it's gymnastics with a diva, climbing the rope wall or losing dodgeball; the gang explains the fears caused by gym.


Fan Episode 7: Gym Class Horrors

**CHAPTER 1: VIVA LA GYM...OR NOT**

"Gym's my favorite class since I was little." explained Peppermint Patty as she, Lucy, Claudia and Marcie walked towards the girls' locker room. "I was so dumb that I wished all classes should be gym. I always look forward to gym."

Sighing, Claudia tied her hair in pigtails tightly as she nodded her head in agreement. "Art's b-better though." she suggested.

"Then you NEVER been in my gym class." Peppermint Patty smiled.

"She's right." added Lucy.

"Gym's not my forte, Sir." reminded Marcie sheepishly.

"Oh good grief..." the tomboy sighed. "Let's just get through gym hassle free, okay?"

"I guess." Marcie shrugged.

"C'mon. Cobra, Rattler and Joslyn are waiting." exclaimed Lucy.

"Coming!" Peppermint Patty replied as she pulled out her gym clothes. "Claude, can you turn your head while I change please?"

"Okay." smiled Claudia as she pulled out her drawing book from her gym bag and faced the other two black haired girls.

"How does she do that?" asked Lucy as Marcie shrugged. "And have you been on coffee?"

"Maybe..." replied Marcie.

"Maybe?" laughed Lucy and Claudia.

"How did Freddy and Sidewinder survive junior high?" she asked.

"Why don't you ASK them, Carlin?" sighed Lucy.

"What if they get annoyed?" Marcie reasoned.

"True." Lucy realized.

"Okay, you can look, Claude." explained Peppermint Patty.

"Good." smiled Claudia happily.

"C'mon. Class is beginning." Cobra called out.

"Coming!" the four kids replied.

"Good." smiled Cobra.

The gym teacher smiled as she pulled out a list of the girls' names. "Sylvia?" she asked.

"Here!" exclaimed Cobra.

"Holly?"

"Right here." replied Rattler.

"Joslyn?"

"Here..." gulped Joslyn.

"Patricia Marie?"

"Yo." replied Peppermint Patty as Lucy, Violet and Patty (Swanson) facepalmed.

"Violet?"

"Present." Violet smiled.

"Presents are something you get for birthdays and holidays."

"Whoops...here." blushed Violet in shame.

"That's better. Melanie?"

"Here!" Melanie's arm shot up.

"Fransesca?"

"Here." smirked Fransesca.

"Patty?"

"Yes?" asked Patty (Swanson).

"Marceline?"

"Here, ma'am." blushed Marcie.

"Claudia Alexandra?"

"Here." smiled Claudia.

"Lucille?"

"Here, ma'am." beamed Lucy.

"Frieda?"

"Here." smiled Frieda.

"Well, that's all of you. You'll be in groups of six for gymnastics today." explained the gym teacher.

"Good to hear." smiled Lucy. "Strenght in numbers is my motto."

"I thought it was 'You blockhead'." teased Violet.

"Great!" smiled Peppermint Patty.

"And I'm choosing teams." the teacher reminded. "Group A is Sylvia, Joslyn, Lucille, Claudia Alexandra, Melanie and Patricia Marie."

"Alright!" Claudia cheered, hugging the daylights out of the five girls called out.

"And group B is Holly, Frieda, Violet, other Patty, Marceline and Fransesca." added the gym teacher as Frieda gulped. Violet and Patty did their signature hand-clap as Fransesca smirked.

"Who're our class leaders?" worried Frieda.

"Group A's leader is Patricia Marie-group B's leader is the other Patty."

"Wow!" squealed Patty (Swanson). "Me the leader."

"That's a big job, Pat." reminded Violet. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Sure I'm sure." comforted Patty.

"Class with that diva?" gulped Frieda.

"Problem?" teased Fransesca.

"No." the curly haired singer denied.

"Anyone t-t-t-touches my friends and they're a d-d-dead duck." Claudia warned.

"How?" asked Melanie. "We're people; not ducks."

"Ugh." groaned Peppermint Patty.

"C'mon." exclaimed Violet to her group.

"Good luck, Sir." Marcie called out.

"Thanks, Marcie. And stop calling me 'Sir'." the tomboy sighed.

"Let's d-do this." smiled Claudia.

"Good, ready, Claude?" and with that, the tomboy put on a 70's styled boom box. "Y'know, Claude, I may not be as cute as that little red-haired girl, and I may not have naturally curly hair like Frieda, and I may not be as smart as Marcie, but I've got one thing none of them has: I'm I'm in shape!"

"In shape? F-for what?" asked Claudia.

"You'll see, Grandin." Lucy sighed.

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_I run five miles every morning, _

_I do a hundred pushups every day, _

_I pedal every night, take a swim, take a hike, _

_I'm in shape, I'm in shape, I'm in shape! _

_(Others)_

_She's practicing Peppermint Patty's PE program. _

_She's in shape, she's in shape, she's in shape! _

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_When other kids are fading at the finish, _

_When all the others fail to break the tape, _

_(Melanie: What does that mean?)_

_I saunter round the track and wave to Daddy. _

_I'm in shape, I'm in shape, I'm in shape. _

_(Others)_

_She's practicing Peppermint Patty's PE program, _

_She's in shape, she's in shape, she's in shape! _

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_Although some girls they look like pretty models_

_Although my nose, it looks just like a grape_

_My athletic PH.D is quite a rare gem,_

_I'm in shape, I'm in shape, I'm in shape._

_(Others)_

_She's practicing Peppermint Patty's PE program, _

_She's in shape, she's in shape, she's in shape! _

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_Hey Joslyn, get in shape, _

_Pretty soon it'll be too late. _

_Hey, Joslyn! Hey, Joslyn! _

_Hey, Claude, you know how, _

_Get in shape, do it now. _

_Hey, Claude! _

_(Others)_

_Hey, Claude! _

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_Hey, Claude! _

_(Others)_

_Hey, Claude! _

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_Everybody get fit. _

_Stop thinkin' about it, this is it. _

_Lucy, Joslyn, Melanie, Cobra, everybody work! _

_(Others) _

_AAAUGHH! _

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_So if you want to follow my example, _

_You're gonna have to work, there's no escape. _

_You gotta get with Peppermint Patty's PE program, _

_Get in shape, get in shape, get in shape! _

_(Others)_

_She's practicing Peppermint Patty's PE program. _

_She's in shape! _

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_I'm in shape! _

_(Others)_

_She's in shape! _

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_I'm in shape, I'm in shape! _

_(Others)_

_She's in shape! _

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_I'm in shape! _

_(Others)_

_She's in shape! _

_(Peppermint Patty)_

_I'm in shape! _

_(Others)_

_Shape! In shape! In shape! _

"Well, how's it going, guys?" asked Peppermint Patty-not even breaking a sweat.

"Permission for a water break, coach?" panted Joslyn.

"How do you break water when not pregnant?" wondered Melanie, wiping the sweat from her forehead.

"Ooof." exclaimed Lucy as she helped Cobra up off the ground.

"We need a water b-b-break." explained Claudia.

"Be patient, girls." Peppermint Patty replied. "We still have to work on those figures."

In group B, Patty and Violet were working with Marcie on the balance beam as Frieda and Fransesca were quarelling over who was the better athlete (well, Fransesca was doing most of the arguing) and Rattler was rattling-no pun intended-Fransesca's brain over the no-glasses-in-gym rule she declared.

"C'mon, girly. It's not like glasses are a distraction-unlike phones." Rattler explained logically.

"It's for safety." replied Fransesca with a hair whip.

"Why you careless bi-"

"Easy, Rattler." gulped Violet from the right side of the balance beam. "We don't need two dead Serpent Sisters."

"She's right, hun." added Frieda calmly. "You should chill out."

"Maybe." Rattler shrugged. "But I can't."

"Because Fransesca put a rule in place?" asked Patty.

"No-because she's not the group leader-you are." Rattler reminded Patty.

"Oh good grief..." sighed Violet and Patty.

"I've got seven words on the tip of my tongue right now." Marcie explained, squinting.

"If it's what we're thinking-DON'T say them." suggested Frieda as she giggled.

"They AREN'T" reassured Marcie before stumbling a little.

"Gotcha." Patty smiled. "I'm gonna try and figure out what the prick's up to later." she declared.

"I think she wants to make our lives crummy." Rattler theorized. "After school, I'm gonna get answers out of her-whether she likes it or not."

"Oh good grief." the other four girls sighed as Fransesca grabbed some dumbbells.

"See these?" Fransesca asked the girls.

"No..." Marcie replied. "Mainly because you didn't let me wear my glasses..."

"Yeah." the other four girls replied.

"It's dumbbells." she smirked. "They're heavy gym tools."

"We know THAT." Frieda sighed.

"Well, do you know how painful a dumbbell on the toes is?" Fransesca asked.

"Yes." replied Rattler. "The hard way too."

"Good. And if any of you think to bother me anymore, this weight will be on your tiny little toes."

"Is that a THREAT?"

"No, why?"

"It BETTER NOT be."

"Now let's do this." Patty smiled as she helped Marcie off the balance beam. "Vi, keep an eye on her until I finish with the others. Make small talk."

"Okay..." replied Violet in confusion.

_(Oh Mickey, you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey)_

_(Oh Mickey, you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey)_

_(Oh Mickey, you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey)_

_Hey Mickey!_

_You've been around all night and that's a little long_

_You think you've got the right but I think you've got it wrong_

_Why can't you say goodnight so you can take me home, Mickey_

_Cause when you say you will, it always means you won't_

_You're givin' me the chills, baby, please baby don't_

_Every night you still leave me all alone, Mickey_

_Oh Mickey, what a pity you don't understand_

_You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand_

_Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand_

_It's guys like you Mickey_

_Oh, what you do Mickey, do Mickey_

_Don't break my heart, Mickey_

_Hey Mickey!_

_Now when you take me by the hooves everyone's gonna know _

_Every time you move I let a little more show_

_There's somethin' we can use, so don't say no, Mickey_

_So come on and give it to me any way you can_

_Any way you want to do it, I'll treat you like a man_

_Oh please, baby, please, don't leave me in a jam, Mickey_

_Oh Mickey, what a pity you don't understand_

_You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand_

_Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand_

_It's guys like you Mickey_

_Oh, what you do Mickey, do Mickey_

_Don't break my heart, Mickey_

_(Oh Mickey, you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey)_

_(Oh Mickey, you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey)_

_(Oh Mickey, you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey)_

_Oh Mickey, what a pity you don't understand_

_You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand_

_Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand_

_It's guys like you Mickey_

_Oh, what you do Mickey, do Mickey_

_Don't break my heart, Mickey_

_Oh Mickey, what a pity you don't understand_

_You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand_

_Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand_

_It's guys like you Mickey_

_Oh, what you do Mickey, do Mickey_

_Don't break my heart, Mickey_

_Oh Mickey, what a pity you don't understand_

_You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand_

_Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand_

_It's guys like you Mickey_

_Oh, what you do Mickey, do Mickey_

_Don't break my heart, Mickey_

_Oh Mickey, what a pity you don't understand_

_You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand_

_Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand_

_It's guys like you Mickey_

_Oh, what you do Mickey, do Mickey_

_Don't break my heart, Mickey_

Patty sighed as Fransesca began dancing a bit suggestively to the music. "Really?" Patty groaned.

"Sadly." replied Rattler.

"Be GLAD you CAN'T see this, Marcie. It's NOT pretty." declared Violet.

"I can only imagine." replied Marcie with a shrug.

"Oh fiddlesticks." sighed Frieda.

"Old schooled girls..." thought Fransesca as she kept dancing.

"What's going on over there?" Lucy asked, coming back from grabbing her water bottle.

"Some quarrel." shrugged Cobra. "Rattler'll straighten it out though."

"I hope so." smiled Peppermint Patty.

"Same." replied Claudia as she attempted the hula hoop.

"Let's hope nothing bad's going on there." Joslyn suggested.

"Agreed." Lucy realized. "Fransesca's quite the diva, FYI."

"Whoa."

"I know, Jos."

**NEXT CHAPTER: GYM DIVAS AND BLIND BATS**

'Peppermint Patty's P.E Program' written by Ed Bogas and Desiree Goyette/New lyrics written by LivingOnLaughs (Yours Truly)

'Hey Mickey' written by Michael Donald Chapman and Nicholas Barry Chinn

© Universal Music Publishing Group, Downtown Music Publishing


End file.
